My wife's mother came for a visit last week. Aside from wanting to see her grandbaby, she had a request for me. She called about a week before she came out, and told me about 2 armed robberies. They both occurred in her neighborhood, and both victims were lone females, walking.
"I want to learn how to use a gun. I need to get a concealed carry permit. I want to learn how to be in charge of my own safety."
Wow. I was having trouble digesting it all. Mom-in-law is liberal leaning. She doesn't like guns. She has no background in this area at all. I will not get involved in her childhood, but understand that to her, guns and knives are things to be feared. This was a huge step for her, and would prove to be a huge challenge to me.
After hanging up the phone, I shot an email to a female gun blogger who I deeply respect, and asked her for resources. I needed to tackle this problem differently than any other new shooter I have ever taught, because my pupil wasn't enamored with firearms, and didn't have anything remotely approaching my worldview. The aforementioned blogger directed me to The Cornered Cat, and man, what a great sight. The author, Kathy Johnson, approaches the sight from the mentality of 'for women, by women'. I read literally every article and blogpost on the sight in 3 days. Then I made an outline of things that I felt M-I-L MUST know. It ended up being 4 pages, front and back, and I still felt like I was being bare-bones about the instruction.
The first night M-I-L got in about 4:30 in the afternoon, and we stayed up talking about mindset till midnight. Mostly, I listened to why she wanted to do this. She had some very personal, very deep reasons for wanting to pursue self defense, and she had no fear of learning. A fear of guns, but no fear of learning. Around midnight, I got one of my handguns out, and set it on the table between us. She was not ready to handle it, but after a few minutes, I could see the wheels turning. She was getting comfortable with it at her own pace. Finally, at the end of the night, I spoke briefly before getting a shower.
" I don't want to push you. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. But the fact is, we only have a week before you go back home, so you are going to have to do some soul searching and decide if this is what you want to do. I will teach you as much as you want to know, but I can't make any of this okay for you if you are not ready to make a shift in your perspective about firearms."
Truth be told, I slept poorly that night. My mind was working overtime. I had no reserve about helping M-I-L. She was smart, listened well, and took instruction to heart. But it was a huge responsibility. I was to be an ambassador for the gun community, and not only was I attempting to bring someone into the fold, but they were serious about protecting their own life with a firearm if need be. I wasn't just getting someone interested in firearms for fun, I was teaching someone the basics of how to defend their life.
The next day, as I was getting coffee, she asked what we were going to work on. She took the next step, and was ready.
I had her memorize the four rules that day. It's all we got to. But, when it was over, not only could she recite them, but she could also explain what they meant. The day after, we discussed the fundamentals of shooting, and how the worked together: stance, breathing, grip, sight alignment, sight picture, trigger control, and follow through. We discussed the merits and drawbacks of semi-autos and revolvers. I dislike that women are often told that semi-autos are too complicated, and that a snubby revolver is the best for them, when we all know that snubbys are some of the worst guns in terms of sighting systems, recoil, and trigger pull. That said, when we were testing firearms(for fit and ease of use... no live fire, yet), M-I-L just did not have the upper body strength to work a slide. Also, all the revolvers I own had too heavy of a double action pull for her to operate effectively. I rounded up a few guns from family members, too, and she found one she could control the trigger properly on: a Ruger LCR. I find this ironic, as I wouldn't have suggested a DAO snubby for her, but it was the one she was most comfortable with.
We went to the range the next day. The LCR we tried had laser grips, but I didn't turn them on immediately, because I wanted to see how she did with proper sight technique. Shooting was an emotional, visceral experience for her. She was not used to the noise, and it startled her. But it startled her every shot, and not a single round went below the bullseye, so she wasn't anticipating it. It took almost an hour to fire 5 shots, with a lot of calming of nerves and talking between shots, but I have never, NEVER seen a first-time shooter make a group like that. Suffice it to say that I've had worse groups, and not even on a particularly off day. She took all the coaching to heart, and did wonderfully.
I kept my sister in law's LCR, and we practiced technique basics in the evenings, with snap caps. The laser was an amazing tool, then. She can effectively perform all the basic techniques, as long as she concentrates on one, gets it right, then adds another, until she is doing everything right. She kept worrying about speed, and I kept reminding her that to run, you must walk. I repeated countless times: slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.
We went and looked at LCRs locally, but she was unable to buy one here, as she is not a Louisiana resident. She knows exactly what she wants though, now, and knows how much they cost.
She promised me that she would take more classes, beyond a basic concealed carry class, and research the instructors, to make sure they are reputable. She also promised she would practice regularly, both with snap caps and with live fire. I have no doubt that she will do all of these things, because she is the type of woman to commit fully to understanding and becoming proficient at whatever it is she decides to tackle. We discussed multiple carry options, and some of the pitfalls of the legality of carrying. I gave her as many resources for guns and carry options and training as I could find, and know that she will call if she has any
questions. I had not given M-I-L the tools to defend her her life, but I gave her a solid foundation and all the basics, as well as resources, so she could grow to be skilled enough to defend her life.
We are making the road trip to Florida next month, and I can't wait to see where she is at in her journey.
Working with her has been the hardest, most rewarding firearms experience I have ever participated in.
I'm blessed to have been a part of it.
